4 Years, 8 Months, and 2 Weeks

4 years, 8 months, and 2 weeks. We started our adoption process 4 years, 8 months, and 2 weeks ago. Some days the waiting doesn’t seem like too big of a deal. With three kids already, work at the church, and homeschooling, life is certainly full. Some days it is hard to imagine what adding a new baby would be like.

But on other days, days like today, the wait seems interminable. Waiting for our adopted child is a weird feeling. We don’t know this little person. We don’t know what he looks like, or even if he is male. I have never held this child in my arms, never sung him to sleep, never fed him when he was hungry. And yet, I miss our adopted child. My arms ache to hold him or her.

Those of you who are parents know the feeling of missing your baby–that feeling when they have been gone from you for too long, and your need to see them, to hold them, is extreme.  That is how I feel about our adopted child. And the immeasurable love I have for our other three children doesn’t diminish my love and longing for our fourth.

A few months ago a friend of ours encouraged us to pray for something big. I immediately knew what I would pray for. I prayed that the Lord would connect us with our child’s birthmother by Christmas. I desired that so much! I will be honest; this is not the first year I have prayed that prayer.

Our God is able to do so much more than we ask or imagine, but He also does what He knows is best. He did not give me what I asked for.  I need to be ok with that.

I called our adoption agency right before Christmas “just to check in.” The call was so pathetic and uncomfortable. When I heard the social worker’s voice on the phone, I knew that she would have called me if she had good news. And I could tell that she knew I knew that. The moment I heard her voice, I knew I had no reason to call. I knew she could hear my sadness and desperation through the phone line, and she had no real hope or encouragement to give me. There were only awkward pauses and unspoken words. When I hung up the phone, I cried.

On days like today, days when the waiting is hard, I remember her words:  “We are just waiting on the right fit.” But I know she is wrong about that. We are waiting on God and His plans for a specific child who belongs in our family. We are waiting on God. And I keep telling myself that waiting on the LORD is good, even when it is hard.

On a positive note, our fundraising efforts continue! A sweet friend just donated a beautiful couch for us to sell. The couch is $100 or best offer.  Please check out the pictures below, and let us know if you are interested.

We are also planning a super fun, fundraising event that will hopefully take place in the next few weeks! Keep an eye out for more information soon! Thank you for all of your prayers and support!